If we ever hope to
positively change the retention rate of new converts, we, the members of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, must change our culture. Over the course
of this essay I will primarily focus my remarks on personal examples and
anecdotal evidence that have led me to this conclusion. The history I draw from
will be my own, namely: my time as a missionary, the varying degrees of
activity held by my wife’s family, and my wife’s experience as a convert to the
church of Latter-Day Saints.
It would not paint a full and accurate picture of the
dilemma upon which I am focusing my thoughts, if I were to ignore the fact that
“anti-Mormon” pros are often to blame for the falling away of converts and
life-long members alike. I have known many people who have lost their way after
learning about more taboo topics, or upon reading half truths on the internet.
However, there is a more powerful force which drives away new converts in the
church: a culture that has been developed behind closed chapel doors. A
culture, that when first experienced by an outsider, can be alienating,
strange, and utterly unfamiliar.
Take a moment and put yourself in the shoes of someone
who is unfamiliar with the church. For the sake of establishing a somewhat
strong foundation let’s pretend that you come from a Christian background. One
day there’s a knock on your door and you answer it to find two friendly young
men wearing white shirts, ties, and black name tags that prominently feature
the name of Jesus Christ. After pleasantries you invite them in, and they begin
to share their message. It is a message of a loving Heavenly Father that
blesses us with prophets and families. A Heavenly Father that wants to answer
our prayers. The young missionaries teach you about faith, the plan of
salvation, and the Doctrine of Christ. As they continue to visit you in the
coming weeks, you feel a heretofore unknown, yet somehow completely familiar
feeling of peace. They invite you to read scriptures in addition to the bible,
to pray, and to test your faith by following different commandments. A seed of
faith begins to grow inside of you. They invite you to attend church with them.
On your first Sunday you feel nervous, it has been years
sense you attended a formal church. The pastor gives a few opening remarks and
then informs the congregation that the time is theirs and takes his seat. What
follows is an increasingly uncomfortable montage of different members sharing
overly personal stories, detailing past sins, family drama, and ongoing
disputes that would be better resolved in private. Some people are friendly and
talk briefly with you, but the majority don’t seem to acknowledge this new
person. At least you have your missionary friends to keep you company. Everyone
is talking about Joseph Smith, Nephi, Alma, and a bunch of other people you’re
not familiar with.
Now take that same example but fast forward a few months,
your missionaries have gone to a new area and you are now alone in this place.
Maybe you have one or two people who will smile and shake your hand, but you
feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Now take both of those situations and let’s
say you’re located in a small town in Utah. The turnover rate is so high with
so many families moving in and out every single week that no one notices that
you are there at all, they don’t notice when you stop coming.
This story is an amalgam of my experiences with people I
taught on my mission, and even my own wife, who joined the church when she was
eighteen. Allow me to speak in the parlance of a talk at church: Brothers,
sisters, we may contain the true gospel of Jesus Christ, but that does us no
good if we do not live it. It is time to put the cliques and unhealthy culture
habits behind us if we ever hope to lead truly Christlike lives and shine for
those with whom we come in contact. The old adage, while clichéd, is still
relevant: the church is true, the members aren’t. I encourage anyone who reads
this to examine their own behavior and take inventory of how they conduct
themselves. Is this the way that will allow new converts to come unto Christ?
