There comes a moment in everyone’s
life in which they have the opportunity to compare side by side what they want
to happen, and what God wants to happen. Unfortunately, those two items seldom
fall under the same solution. The Savior, in a moment of weakness and
desperation, once said in regards to his imminent crucifixion, “Oh my Father,
if it be possible, let this cup pass from me…” (Matthew 26:39).
I spent two years as a full-time mission in the
Washington Kennewick Mission, Spanish speaking. One cold November night Elder
Anderson (one of my favorite companions with whom I served) and I received a
phone call from a member of the small Spanish Branch we had helped open the
previous month. This kind sister told us of her friend’s daughter who was in
dire circumstances with an advanced brain tumor. We were asked to go minister
to a dying little girl.
When we arrived at the humble home we were greeted by the
sister, the mother, and the sick girl in question, all of whom had clearly been
crying. We were terrified. What do you say in a situation like this? I will
forever be grateful for the question that Elder Anderson asked this sweet girl:
“Do you know who Jesus Christ is?” An immediate feeling of warmth entered the
room as this little girl, who had had almost no religious upbringing, responded
in a tiny, soft voice, “El es quien nos protege.” He is the one that protects
us. Recognizing the wisdom that accompanied her humble nature, we paused a
moment to testify to everyone in the room that this was indeed correct. We laid
our hands on her small head and offered up a blessing.
I don’t remember what words were said, but I do remember
that we did not give her a blessing of healing. I have been witness to many
miraculous occurrences: the immediate healing of visibly terrible injuries, the
casting out of unclean spirits, the literal answers to prayers, the gift of
tongues, prophecy, discernment, and many others which, because of their sacred
nature, I will not address in this essay. I have seen these things first hand
with my own eyes. However, that night, we were not moved to heal this girl.
It’s
been eight years since that cold night. Although the years have taken her name
from my recollection, I’ll always remember her big brown eyes. Eyes that held
innocence as well as fear and uncertainty. I don’t know how her story ended. She
would be about seventeen now. Such is the life of a missionary, we come into
people’s lives and then we go, and sometimes we never get to see the end of a
story. The conclusion I’ve been able to draw, and only after many years of
pondering and reflection, is that even though we did not heal that girl, a
miracle was performed that night. For that family who had been through so much,
and would yet be asked to go through even more, a brief moment of peace was
given. More importantly, for a little girl that didn’t fully grasp the gravity
of what was happening to her, the world was just a little less scary. For one
night, her life was a little less dark. The Spirit of God entered into that
home and comforted hearts in a way that no twenty-year old’s broken Spanish
ever could.
“…nevertheless
not as I will, but as thou wilt.” (Matthew 26: 39). These are the words of our
Savior upon reflection of the sacrifice about to be undertaken. He knew what
was to come, and He knew how awful it would be, but He surrendered His wishes
to those of His Father. I don’t know why God chose to not have that girl
physically healed that night, but I do know that beyond our own mortal
understanding, there is a greater plan. Each of us will one day want, even
need, something so desperately that we will give anything to receive it. But
sometimes that is not God’s will. Sometimes He has a greater plan in mind for
us and our situation. I know that He had a plan that night, and I pray to one
day understand fully what it was.
