Thursday, April 4, 2019

Reflections of a Blessing


          There comes a moment in everyone’s life in which they have the opportunity to compare side by side what they want to happen, and what God wants to happen. Unfortunately, those two items seldom fall under the same solution. The Savior, in a moment of weakness and desperation, once said in regards to his imminent crucifixion, “Oh my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me…” (Matthew 26:39).
            I spent two years as a full-time mission in the Washington Kennewick Mission, Spanish speaking. One cold November night Elder Anderson (one of my favorite companions with whom I served) and I received a phone call from a member of the small Spanish Branch we had helped open the previous month. This kind sister told us of her friend’s daughter who was in dire circumstances with an advanced brain tumor. We were asked to go minister to a dying little girl.
            When we arrived at the humble home we were greeted by the sister, the mother, and the sick girl in question, all of whom had clearly been crying. We were terrified. What do you say in a situation like this? I will forever be grateful for the question that Elder Anderson asked this sweet girl: “Do you know who Jesus Christ is?” An immediate feeling of warmth entered the room as this little girl, who had had almost no religious upbringing, responded in a tiny, soft voice, “El es quien nos protege.” He is the one that protects us. Recognizing the wisdom that accompanied her humble nature, we paused a moment to testify to everyone in the room that this was indeed correct. We laid our hands on her small head and offered up a blessing.
            I don’t remember what words were said, but I do remember that we did not give her a blessing of healing. I have been witness to many miraculous occurrences: the immediate healing of visibly terrible injuries, the casting out of unclean spirits, the literal answers to prayers, the gift of tongues, prophecy, discernment, and many others which, because of their sacred nature, I will not address in this essay. I have seen these things first hand with my own eyes. However, that night, we were not moved to heal this girl.
It’s been eight years since that cold night. Although the years have taken her name from my recollection, I’ll always remember her big brown eyes. Eyes that held innocence as well as fear and uncertainty. I don’t know how her story ended. She would be about seventeen now. Such is the life of a missionary, we come into people’s lives and then we go, and sometimes we never get to see the end of a story. The conclusion I’ve been able to draw, and only after many years of pondering and reflection, is that even though we did not heal that girl, a miracle was performed that night. For that family who had been through so much, and would yet be asked to go through even more, a brief moment of peace was given. More importantly, for a little girl that didn’t fully grasp the gravity of what was happening to her, the world was just a little less scary. For one night, her life was a little less dark. The Spirit of God entered into that home and comforted hearts in a way that no twenty-year old’s broken Spanish ever could.
“…nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” (Matthew 26: 39). These are the words of our Savior upon reflection of the sacrifice about to be undertaken. He knew what was to come, and He knew how awful it would be, but He surrendered His wishes to those of His Father. I don’t know why God chose to not have that girl physically healed that night, but I do know that beyond our own mortal understanding, there is a greater plan. Each of us will one day want, even need, something so desperately that we will give anything to receive it. But sometimes that is not God’s will. Sometimes He has a greater plan in mind for us and our situation. I know that He had a plan that night, and I pray to one day understand fully what it was.

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