The Play I Wrote for Intro to Theater

Ok guys, if I see this on broadway ten years from now I will be very annoyed.

Characters: Jude
Jude’s Thoughts/Mind
Eleanor “Lenny”
Sister Prudence
Two Anonymous Students

Jude: Main character of the play. Average student, quiet. Has crush on Lenny but hasn’t told her. Comes from a slightly troubled home. Parents that argue a lot. He wears school uniform casually: loose tie, rolled sleeves, etc. Although he is quiet he wears his hair messy.

Jude’s Inner Voice: The voice of Jude’s thoughts. Extremely sarcastic and witty. Very opposite of how Jude is. Very outspoken, makes himself heard. Gets Jude into a lot of trouble.

Eleanor “Lenny”: Unconventional. Unlike the other characters she is not catholic, just going to catholic school to appease her father. Because of this all of her male catholic classmates give her a lot of attention, and she finds this annoying. To them she is this crazy wild adventure waiting to happen. She is very sarcastic.


Sister Prudence: A nun, obviously. She is the very strict teacher. In her mid fifties. She recently had a cast taken off of her leg from when some younger students tripped her, as a result she walks with a slight limp and hates all of her students.



Setting: Very straight/neatly lined up rows of desks. An elderly nun sits behind a desk at the front of the room grading papers. A miniature statue of the Virgin Mary sits on top of a stack of already graded papers. She is muttering to herself under her breath, looking annoyed she crosses herself and then scribbles another “F”. There is a cross hung on the wall. The prevalent sound is that of a ticking clock and the scribbling of pens as uniformed students take a test.

Sister Prudence: (Standing up and addressing the class gives an angry sigh and in an Irish accent): Did any of you study for the last test?! Lord help me! I feel as though I am teaching myself! I can count on one hand how many of you passed the last test!

Lenny: Well, maybe our grades are reflective of how well we were taught…

Sister Prudence: That is quite enough Eleanor!

Lenny: It’s Lenny!

Sister Prudence: Don’t think that just because your father is one of our Academies greatest contributors that you will receive special treatment, ELEANOR. And I will be damned before I take sass from a protestant brat!!

(The rest of the class crosses themselves, Lenny glares at Sister Prudence)

Jude’s Thoughts: What an old hag!

(Class gasps)

Sister Prudence: Who said that?!

(Silence)

Sister Prudence: (Grabs ruler and waves it menacingly) Who’s the one with the smart tongue?!

(Silence)

Sister Prudence: Was it you Jude!

Jude: No ma’am.

Sister Prudence: Very well, get back to your tests.

(She sits down at her desk)

Jude’s Thoughts: (Blows a raspberry)

Sister Prudence: (Standing up abruptly) Five points off of everyone’s test!

(Uproar from the class)

Sister Prudence: Should I make it ten?!

(Instant Silence)

Sister Prudence: I thought not. (Sits back down)

(Class resumes test)

Jude’s Thoughts: (very authoritative voice) “In what year was the Declaration of Independence signed? Hmmmmm…..1776. Yeah, that’s it.

Sister Prudence: Jude! Quiet yourself!

Jude: Yes ma’am, sorry.

Jude’s Thoughts: *Ahem! In what year did America triumph over the British?...1787!

Sister Prudence: That is quite enough Jude!

Jude: What?

Sister Prudence: Don’t play stupid with ME young man! You stay here for lunch!

Jude: But I-

(Bell rings)

Sister Prudence: Allright class, go to lunch. You can finish your tests afterwards….Not you Jude! Sit back down!

(Sister Prudence and the other students leave the room)

(Jude sighs)

Jude’s Thoughts: Absolutely pathetic.

Jude: What?? (looking around)

Jude’s Thoughts: Back there, what the heck happened?! You let that old Mick walk all over you, NOnononononononono! Cut that out! (Jude crossing himself)

Jude: Who are you?

Jude’s Thoughts: I want you to think about it reeeeaaaaal hard.

Jude: ………. (look of realization and shock)

Jude’s Thoughts: BINGO! We have a winner!

Jude: So what, have I snapped?

Jude’s Thoughts: No…well, not yet at least. I just got tired of watching you screw up our life. I’m here to fix a few things.

Jude: Like what?

Jude’s Thoughts: Well...I don’t have the patience to do a complete overhaul on our sad little life, so I’m just focusing my efforts on hooking us up with her.

Jude: With who?

Jude’s Thoughts: (imitating Sister Prudence’s accent) Don’t play stupid young man! (resumes former voice) You know who I mean.

Jude: I don’t like her.

Jude’s Thoughts: Don’t lie, you are head over heels in love with Eleanor!

Jude: Lenny.

Jude’s Thoughts: Ha! Caught you!

Jude: Dangit!

Jude’s Thoughts: (Laughing) Well then, now that you are done kidding ourselves, let’s get us hooked up.

Jude: And how exactly do we go about doing that?

(Sister Prudence enters dragging Lenny by the ear)

Lenny: Ow ow ow ow! Quit it! Ow! Ow!

Jude’s Thoughts: Jackpot.

Sister Prudence: Lunch is a privilege Eleanor! You stay in here until you learn that!

(Sister Prudence leaves)

Jude:
Lenny: It’s Lenny!
Jude’s Thoughts:

Lenny: Uurgh! She is such a –

Jude’s Thoughts: Easy now…

Lenny: What’s it to you?

Jude: Nothing.

Lenny: Then keep it to yourself.

Jude: Sorry.

Jude’s Thoughts: So what did you do?

Jude: (Whispered) Shut up!

Lenny: What?

Jude: Huh? Oh, nothing. I was just uh…wondering what you did to tick off Sister Prudence.

Jude’s Thoughts: (Whispered) Atta boy.

Lenny: I barely even did anything, my phone went off and my ringtone happens to be something with a good beat, it was hilarious, I thought the nuns were going to faint. You’d think they’d never heard Zeplin before.

Jude’s Thoughts: (Laughing)

Lenny: Speaking of which, what kind of music do you like?

Jude: Umm…Relian-

Jude’s Thoughts: ACDC.

Lenny: Oh man I love ACDC! How about the Stones?

Jude: Uh, yeah. I like them and uh-

Jude’s Thoughts: Black Sabbath.

(Lenny turns to rummage through her bag)

Jude: (Whispered) What are you doing??

Jude’s Thoughts: Dude! Look at her notebook, she loves classic rock!

(Lenny’s notebook is covered with band logos)

Lenny: (emerging from her bag) If you like those you’ll love this! (Hands Jude a cd)

Jude: Thanks.

Jude’s Thoughts: (Whispered) Allright that’s it, let’s move this along. (Normal voice) You’re really pretty.

Lenny:
Jude: What?

Jude: I mean uh, Lenny, I think you’re really pretty.

Lenny (Blushing) Well…thanks.

Jude: No, I mean it. (Smiles)

Lenny: (Smiles) You know what? You’re the first guy to say that, that I actually believe.

Jude: Really?

Lenny: Yeah, all the guys in this school just see me as this…this easy “heathen” girl.

Jude: I don’t think you’re a heathen.

Lenny: (Laughing) Thanks.

Jude’s Thoughts: Do you want to go out some time?

(Jude just about chokes)

Lenny: I’d love to.

Jude: Really??

Lenny: Of course. (Lenny pulls a pen out of her bag and writes her number on Jude’s hand) Give me a call later.

Jude: Yeah. Definitely!

(Lenny leans in and kisses Jude on the cheek, at this moment Sister Prudence enters the room.)

Sister Prudence: WHAT IS GOING ON?!

(Jude and Lenny quickly separate.)

Sister Prudence: Jude! March yourself up to Father MacKenzie’s office right now!!

Jude: (Smiling enthusiastically) Yes ma’am!

(Jude pauses in front of Prudence at the door)

Sister Prudence: Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?!

Jude: Oh yeah…(looks back at Lenny and winks) and it was worth it.

Jude’s Thoughts: ATTA BOY!!!